This morning I had quick anxiety attack (thank God that's over) followed by crying over my brother. You know what really sucks? It sucks when you adore someone and you feel utterly comfortable with him and then he gets killed by a half-baked porn star. You think you're better and you really are, but there are not that many people who pad around in pajamas all day concocting "cheesies" with Korean sauces and other fine ingredients like sardines. There is just no one who has as many condiments as he did, or who looks as scruffy. Plus, to be selfish, I do miss being understood and accepted. Plenty of people are very good to me, but to love me is to embrace the unpredictable and get ready for some emotional crap. Ball & Chain is good at reading the paper and I don't mind and when I do he puts it down.I don't like it when people talk about Baby Brother like he was perfect. That's not it at all. But his appreciation of the so-called 'low brow,' and his array of crap, were quite c
omforting. like that guy under plastic with the little magnetic hairs that you move with a wand to make a beard or hair or both. I am good at that. (Baby Brother would have loved this political version to the right - Create A Commie - although the little magnetic hairs should probably be gray as homage to Senor Castro.) I was looking for some crap to cheer Rugelah up when she was sick. Big Kid found Pez with a weird cat head. I found stickers that you put on your office stuff - for example, teeth for your stapler - to jazz things up a bit.But back to naxiety. Ooh I like that typo - I'm leaving it. Naxiety: The condition of being so anxious that one loses the ability to type properly as symptom of weakening ability to think sequentially. I could write my own DSM! Both anxiety and naxiety are a fucking plague on my life. I had been taking an SSRI only to discover that that particular drug is associated with memory loss. Here I thought that I was having word-retrieval issues that coincidentally arose when some half-assed psycho-pharm doctor put me on it - oh no it was my old inappropriate shrink who sent me an email along with his other "friends and colleagues" before I ditched him - without ever mentioning memory issues. Ack!
What's the theme of this piece of writing? For the one and a half people reading - and the dog, of course - it's beware of psychopharmacology, especially if you genuinely need it - and don't ever forget that your anxiety is just your coping mechanism for avoiding what really hurts. Naxiety is a related disorder found in 80% of people with anxiety and predession, a topic for later discussion.
