Yikes Anxiety

Didja ever find out that someone at your job was not having her contract renewed and then get in a panic because you remember other awful and difficult places and then you think well maybe I was wrong maybe all these places fire teachers willy nilly who says stuff like that - willy nilly - anyway then you try to call your two pals at your work but they're not answering and what with caller id they will think you're insane?

Ironically I just dreamed about Lou Grant who turned out to be Bitchqueenfromhell and it was the first dream in which she was trying to get me to stay there before she decided to try to get me to leave there without telling me to leave but just tormenting and humiliating me because I was more qualified than she thought I was and somehow being a certified teacher drove her mad. Whoa upon rereading that truly makes no sense.

I threaten people. That's my problem. I overwhelm people with my Mensa-esque intelligence, my stunning Cate Blanchett (not Winslett) look and my probing questions. Ack! When I saw my co-worker's face I recognized that freaky sudden realization that oh I need to go elsewhere. Of course when Lou Grant did that she followed up with offering a position a few days later but still there have been other situations in which my job has gone bad somehow or I have felt unwelcome oh woe is me this is ridiculous. Do you sense the defensive tone? Someone might actually read this and judge me and be like ooh why didn't they like her at that school and now even when I have a good situation I am a nervous goddamn wreck.

That's all folks. Psychopharm appointment tomorrow - no shit.

Post Script: Seinfeld rerun tonight was perhaps the funniest episode I've ever seen: Kramer stopped wearing underwear, Jerry dated a white woman who pretended to be Chinese, George's dad - Jerry Stiller - had a lawyer who wore a cape, and Elaine ruined her friend's life. I could just add: and while watching, Lucy convinced herself that her job was going down the tubes.