Gimme Fred and Ethel.

I am writing instead of watching the SuperBowl - ha! I would rather watch Desperate Housewives and I do not like Desperate Housewives. I would rather watch Mitt Romney and John McCain have a debate and I dislike both of them immensely. I would not rather watch Hilary and Obama because I am a traitor, a fake, a massive hypocrite. I do not like Hilary because she was for the war, she gives me a headache, and worst of all, her goddamn husband would be in the White House controlling shit and that's weird because he was already The President, right?

So I am not the perfect product of women' college. I don't feel guilty. No, no, no, ack, yes, okay I do. Is it not prescribed that I vote for Hilary? I adored Geraldine Ferraro, I swear! She was smart, down-to-earth, righteous. She absolutely did not talk about the "HBT" ("human being time") she had with her husband. That was then, this is now, and I am disappointed. A Republican friend (yes I have one) asked me today what Obama's positions really are. I admit that I don't exactly know, apart from opposing the war, but I really like what he says. I know he's progressive and intelligent and all-the-stuff-I-am, I think?

Perhaps I am a political ignoramus. I did go to the Obama web site a few weeks ago to become more well-versed with his policies. It was so fucking boring I could feel my brain dry up a bit as I read. Do I remember what it said? Hell, no! It was like reading a history textbook, a task I never succeeded at, unless it was one paragraph on a page with a lot of photos and a penciled-in moustache on a dead white guy.

But I digress. I do read the paper and I am familiar with what's going on politically and I cannot embrace the joy of Hilary Clinton's candidacy. Reign in the husband, Lady! Ethel and Fred both had strong personalities, but she didn't let him weigh in on Lucy's dilemmas. I've had mixed feelings about Hilary ever since her husband was elected and she began to work on health care. I was like 'hold the phone,' who elected her? Now it just keeps going like that, with blurred boundaries between the two of them. I had a crazy-ass principal years ago - I've had a few - whose unemployed husband joined a meeting she had with a group of teachers. None of the teachers knew what to say when the guy offered his advice, but they were too polite to question his presence. I have not been accused of being too polite - ever - and unless we start electing co-presidents, this is wrong.

On the proverbial second thought, perhaps it's not so different from Bush/Cheney. Hill/Bill. They could run for president and vice president together. I'd like to see the husband as the VP in the old VP style: no real power and we never hear from him. I'd particularly like a genuine First Gentleman, in the tradition of the many First Ladies before him. Now there's a concept I could embrace: the 'pussy-whipped' former president in an outfit by a famous designer giving interviews to Ladies Home Journal. He could start a controversial campaign against drugs or in favor of children reading. The style pages would publish articles on his hair color and choice of ties.

The Clintons are both extra-intelligent, but there's something sneaky that makes me queasy and uneasy. I'd rather think about football. And I don't like football.