The Blue Area, Better Bras, and My Mini-Bosom

Is it verboten to write about my blog hits? I think it may be, so here I go. More than one person and the dog have been looking at my blog. Not like as many as anybody else's, but a few more. Like maybe three, two hamsters, and the dog. But there are a lotta people in the blue section on my stats page. That means that a lotta new people are coming to look. Not clear that any are returning. Oh who am I kidding? Clear that many are running for their lives. So my concern is: who the fuck are these people, or small animals, what do they want, and what am I doing to scare them away? Here is my theory, and please forgive me if it seems a bit harsh: they're all mainstream, narrow-minded, nose-pickers, and when they read my blog, and realize that it is not porn, I am not warm and cozy, and I truly dislike Oprah, they scatter in fear. Whaddaya think? My other theory is that the site is mediocre so a buncha people come and read and then never come back. Aw, but that's so far-fetched. And don't write in re-assuring me that I am simply the undiscovered voice of females everywhere who wish they felt comfortable writing about vaginal discharge. I know.

Also, my bras don't fit. Chrystal taught me to wear a lightly-lined bra to work so that my nipples aren't sticking out like weapons - I'm a clear shot at thirty feet - but that isn't quite working anymore. Those bras sorta lose their shape, or something. So they're sticking out, and my tits are just like 'hey! we're over here.' I am at that strange size of needing a bra but having small breasts. They are remarkably perky, so I no longer feel gypped for having missed the massive-tit breastfeeding experience. I did breastfeed, but my tits did not get that much bigger. They were spouting fountains, but they were no more than a C.

Anyhoo, yesterday, once again, Chrystal has on this hot-as-evvuh Victoria's Secret bra (not linking to that exploitive establishment) that fits her perfectly. When I asked a bra lady to help me find my actual real true bra size, she said I was a 30DD and that the whole real bra size thing is a crock. At this point I'm a near-B - thank you Playtex - but maybe I should be an A and pop the hell outta there. I'm returning the 2 bras I ordered and heading over to Victoria Slut Bras. It's not just the size, it's not just vanity, it's the fact that my sister, Ms. My-tits-are-Bigger, saw one of my bras lying around in my clothes mound, and she was like "sexy bra." And she did not mean it, except with bosomy sarcasm. I looked at it after she left - "I'm not into that whole sexy lingerie thing" I had lamely replied "- and it was like 2 triangles of beige I don't-wanna-fuckness.

If you are a new reader, and after reading this, you are thinking 'get me the hell outta here,' I plead with you to try again. My next entry will be about something super-important: I'm thinking of why people like me so much, or maybe why I hate Hilary Clinton. Otherwise, I'd hand out candy and stickers, but that might seem a bit pathetic.