I am Not Better. I took one of my emergency PRN (when ya need it) medicines and I was sedated for maybe an hour. It's supposeta fucking last. And now I feel crappy and my hair is up and I've never worn it up at work and I feel self-conscious oh and by the way, I hate everybody, except for certain women I know. Like any blog pal, Chrystal and Becca, other formidable friends, a coupla people at work, and my neighbor women. Everyone else, I hate. I hate the lady at work who talks like she knows everything. I hate the castrated assistant to my boss. I hate all the fucking la-di-da parents who are going to a breakfast for Rugelah's class at a time when a working mom cannot. I hate their fruit salad, their bagels, and their fucking horses. I hate policies about no personal time at a time that is most certainly Passover. I hate the goddamn idiots I have to speak with directly every day because they lack the backbone.
The only male people I like are the best male people in the world and they are not married to me but they are my son and my brothers and my students. I like men who wink at me but I hate men who are intimidated by me. I swear I could shrink a probably-already tiny dick into a thumb-size nothing with justa coupla jokes about something completely unrelated. Pardon me for being tall. Ha! Pardon me for being confident. Ha! I kicked my boyfriend's ass when I was nine years old - am I daunted now?
And when I get to work today if that goddamn fragile Princess complains to me, I am going to reassure her in the most condescending of ways because I hate her. She is a whiner, and a passive-aggressive 'mealy-mouthed' spinster-before-her-time. The brilliant Mary Daly deconstructed the word spinster to detail that it really means someone powerful. In this instance, it means someone who darns socks, only dates good boys, and never broke a fucking rule in her life.
Here are the other people I hate:
All politicians except for the ones I like. I do not like Mitt Romney or Hilary Clinton.
Bureaucrats
Preppy suburban moms
The lawyers who keep stringing my family along
People who drive under the speed limit (hello)?
Hairdressers who pretend they know how to cut curly hair
People who rag on beggars for being a hassle
All the teachers who hassled The Big Kid because they were too stupid to figure him out
The little people in my computer who fuck it up
And a lot of other assholes about whom I cannot write because I hate them so much that I have repressed it.
List of people I love: I'll write it posthumously.
Friday, March 02, 2007
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Go Baby!! You are Channeling My energy today---and yet---I was not so----so---- ah-------focused? Concise? Deliberate? in my telling of the stories. Keep your hair up--it'll make them wonder.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite mantras is 'I hate everything'. So after reading this post, I love you.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeletePetit you made me laugh out loud, if I may be so cliche. I will refrain from the little smiley-face thing.
ReplyDeleteI thought I was the only person who thought the way that I do. and I really.do.hate.everything.
ReplyDeleteI cuss like a mechanic that charges you for parts and a 6 pack and I'm good at it too.