Something Excellent Happened & I Will Say Something Positive About My Self

Something quite excellent happened, at work. And I was due. I have been soldiering forth, my head up, my mind finally calming down. Today I must have given twenty reading assessments. Holy shit it gets boring. But I teach a lotta kids who are way below 'grade level,' so it has been a righteous, if not thrilling task. That combined with recovering from my co-worker's true craziness (the really crazy people are rarely the ones who know they have mental health issues).

So, so, so, my boss, aka Lou Grant, who is such a bossy pain in the ass and also a good person, told me, finally, today, what the plan is. I will be teaching reading and writing to the kids at risk - about 1/3 of the kids - at the same times I taught them before. Lou had thought previously that I would teach reading only, and that had been a painful idea. Hence the soldier metaphor.

I will have lovely little groups of personable hilarious and adorable students (I know them), and the students who really drove me to wanna valium will stick with Opie, or Opie's evil twin, as it were. Mean girls, farewell! Attitude boys, seeya! Okay, it's true that some of the stronger students are okay, but the ones I am truly attached to come visit me anyway. And not all of the weaker students are hilarious, but a lot of them are. It's a combination of defense-mechanism and their smarts leaking out in other places apart from literacy. I am a very very very happy lady.

My vindictive little tidbit, too, is that Opie/Satan is also extra-fond of the students who will now be my charges. Not his. For all the mishegas (nuttiness) about my being bothersome, the fact is that I am experienced, and he is not. So in the end, or what is the end at this particular time, I am doing what I like to do best.

You know it may seem weird, but I do love teaching. Today in one of my classes, I joked about being "reluctant" to come in to the classroom - we were studying vocabulary - and Georgia said "Miss, that's not true! You are always smiling when you come in here!" I guess even when I was flipping out I managed to do my job. Actually, yes: even when I was flipping out, I managed to do my job.

The Positive Re-frame, Re-framed

Back to work. I was absolutely brilliant (notice me embracing the new resolution), except when I wasn't. No comment on the ratio there. The students were like "Oh God" every time we talked about actually doing something. They seemed to expect us to hand out cigars and flick on the tube. I am very thankful that I don't take shit from people. I told them to shut the hell up or I'd go back to the banging-knuckles routine from the old days. Really, it is amazing how a small group of people can monopolize a situation, if you allow them. Kinda like those right-wing religious people who talk as if they are a mammoth group of righteous churches, all banded together in their zeal to be saved while the rest of us drown. Oh, but I do exaggerate. I'm quite sure the students were simply a mite perkier than usual after their wholesome family time. And many religious zealots are my best friends. Or maybe I just met one once, and I almost sorta thought about liking him?

Another tidbit of strange phenomena: my stats page, which I check to see who's perusing around here, says that no one is reading. Yet I have 4 comments. Obviously there is a glitch. That little gal in the computer may be on holiday. My brain is so busy creating ideas and expressing innovative thoughts that it cannot take on a techno-question. Plus, I'm not quite as adept at figuring out cyber-crap than I might be. What am I doing wrong? Perhaps a reader, or maybe the dog, will let me know what's happened?

Oh my. All of that positive re-framing was an incredible drain on my naturally bitchy ego. Must stick with thinking positive thoughts about my self for a portion of the day, and determine the portion on random whim. Off to "chillax," as one of my students says. I'd call it meditation, or quiet time, but my portion's up, and I gotta go lie on the bed and rest my weary ass.

The Good Stuff In Me

Ta-da! It's a new year. I haven't cared in the past - it seemed a small stretch from the thirty-first to the first - but now it seems significant. This year I am going to consider seriously my many strengths and spend more time thinking about the good stuff in me. Today, for example, I had a jungle party and I decorated the house with bananas, green leftover Christmas crap on discount from the store (vines), and some tropic-esque stuffed animals. We made pina-coladas and put in some actual pineapple. Becca and her kids came over, and my sister stopped by.

But back to the positive parts of me. I am a good teacher and, on occasion, I have had a positive connection with a student. I am a loyal friend, and a great dog-owner. My dog loves me! It's because I know exactly how to take care of him and be his alpha gal. I have no interest in cats, and I believe that that is also a positive attribute.

My silly songs are rather enjoyable. And I can whip one up for any occasion, be it an awkward moment, or a statement of affection for my family. Also, I sing in the car. Not just anything. I sing along to the music I have been obsessing over at that particular time, and I sound really good. To me, anyway. This cheers me on my way to work, and when I get there, I am all "good morning," and "how are you."

Finally, I don't bullshit. I hate bullshit. I say things directly, and I speak with clarity. I am rarely at a loss for words, even when I need to say "I don't know what to say." This is preferable to saying something disingenuous or untrue. I am a good listener, even though I interrupt a lot when I am excited.

The best thing about me is that I am a very emotional person. My life is filled with millions of small and large pieces of sentiment, and I am fortunate to know overwhelming joy, as we all inevitably encounter devastating loss. The very idea of being a bit less emotional, or a bit less perceptive - somehow they go together for me - is unimaginable. I know at times I wear Ball & Chain out - my talk, my ideas, my laughing on the phone, and crying at night. But I don't do boredom, and life with me - and as me - has few dull moments.