Hair Removal is Not Fun, and Not Private

I decided to look at all of my old blog links. One link led to another and there was a column about body hair removal and my pubic area is utterly traumatized - my pubic hairs are uncurling right this very moment - because this robot-face lady wrote:

So whatever you like to do is fine. Really, it is. Do what feels good to you. Experiment. Have fun! But for heaven’s sake, keep it private.

She was referring to removal of pubic hair! Do what feels good to you?
1. What feels best is to leave it the hell alone, actually. I would prefer that my ancestors had not been hairy women, but there you have it, and it would feel good to me if my pubic hair was minimal and I could just avoid it. What feels good to you, Robot Face?

2. Miss Robot Face says whatever I like to do is fine. Some women actually do leave their pubic hair totally alone! Does she really think that is fine? No, she does not. She gives several painful options: American, French, Brazilian. How hairless do ya wanna be? Does she have an actual vulva going on or is it robot vulva, too? She referred to the hair "down there." I think she meant her cunt.

3. For heaven's sake, keep it private? Why? Why does it have to be private? I think I'll go talk to the old guy across the street and tell him I chose Brazilian! Or maybe I'll mention it to my mother-in-law. She'd love to hear about that. Perhaps Robot Lady means I should be careful, lest anyone actually see that I have pubic hair in my pubic region. Oops that wasn't lady-like. I meant my cunt. No worries, Robot Face! As the nice torture lady is rubbing hot wax on my thighs I will tell her not to look, because it it very private to me. Maybe she will read a magazine or talk on her cell. I don't mind a few layers of my labia removed just to keep it private.

4. Let's get to the "fun" part. Have fun, she tells us. I will remember that. Basically, I can go to the beach and have strangers see my pubic hair, which I cannot manage because, well, I can't, we live in the uptight U.S., or I can go get waxed, which is very painful and unpleasant. When someone pours hot wax very close to my cunt and then tears off bits of my hair with it, I do not feel happy. It is not fun. I sort of hate myself for doing it and I wish I were a hippy or a Swede with no hair.

5. As protest, I am thinking maybe I should grow a vulva beard and braid it or maybe get some hair extensions "down there," and start a new trend for hairy and proud women. It would be very public. Pubic, and public. Maybe it could be a performance art piece and I could get a buncha non-robot women to join me in the protest against the corporate wax-investing anti-cunt movement.

6. Or maybe I'll just wax again this summer, but it will not be fun and I will talk about it openly as I cross my legs in protection of my traumatized cunt.