Sex, Hell & Marriage

I was just at feministing, reading responses to the inevitable article about "slut feminism." I guess this term is meant to offend me, a mother who has no problem with the idea of pre-marital sex? Slut feminism seems laughable to me. It could be re-cast as a good thing: 'take back' the language, and feel good about the wild time you had last night! Is there a reason that women shouldn't enjoy sex? Unless, of course, the sex itself is not that good? Monique Stuart wrote a column in the Washington Post - oh crap, I think I'm supposed to link to that - about naughty college girls. She doesn't mention birth control, STDs, or pregnancy. But, surprise! She does mention her strain to resist judgment. Of course she doesn't. She judges the gals she sees wearing the same clothes as last night, their make-up haughtily smudged. I suppose they are going to hell. But her idea of hell may be a lot of sex. What a dreary life she must lead.

Why oh why? Sex is so complicated, really. For me, the idea is absolutely wonderful, and my husband happens to have some sort of crazy hand skills. But then I am kind of unrealistic like let's-be-with-the-kids-walk-the-dog-and-then-what. I'll tell you what. It's hard to care! For some married people, or partnered people, it is a bizarre pattern of connection and disconnection, of nostalgia and it's better than ever. Let me be less cryptic: for me - I cannot speak for anyone else - it keeps getting better as my body seems to be capable of feeling more and better; but it also sort of fades, as I am tired or distracted. When I hear from friends who have newer relationships, it sounds foreign. Getting used to someone new? Being open about this or that? I am still, after many years married, not very good at saying what I like. I'm guessing this is true for other women, but what do I know? New Year's Resolution: talk more with partner about sex. Realistic Resolution: go out more with partner, and then have more sex. Fake Blog Resolution: take on viagra advertising and the like, make some money, and also have sex.