Neuroses, Ho!

I am walking around one big goddamn regret after another. I just spent all of this time looking back at old posts because a new friend, Sway, is going to look at my blog and maybe she'll discover what an ass I am. I started a new job and people seem to think I am intelligent over there. Well now my cover's blown! Plus: maybe I should have exercised a bit over the past twenty years. Or even this morning, I could have read the paper more carefully so I would be more politically attuned. I truly obsess over all of the millions of things I could have done or said. Another friend said 'shoulda coulda woulda,' as if I should just forget it all. But my regrets are like a map of my neuroses and without my neuroses, well, would I be the same gal?

There is no way I could be as pseudo-anxious as Ally McBeal, who I loved to hate, except when I was hating the other people on the show. Remember when Peter McNichol was on that Family show in the seventies with his actual sister Kristie who turned out to be a cute lesbian with frosted hair but no tv career? Then there's the mom on Malcolm in the Middle - love her! She's like the best Queen Bitch you ever dreamed you'd be. But I'm more like Leah Remini, the wife on King of Queens, with the UPS guy and Jerry Stiller. She worries about the stupidest crap and what people said and why they said it and whether her ass has gone bad. That's me right there. Except in real life she's a Scientologist and in real life I am prejudiced against Scientology because it seems like Tom Cruise is a freak. Not a good freak - a bad icky freak. Plus, regarding Leah, I would never marry Kevin James. He's too I'm-a-big-hunka-stupidity. I wouldn't mind being related to Jerry Stiller. Maybe I am related to Jerry Stiller. Or maybe I just look like Leah Remini?

Religious Cynicysm, Money & Other Musings

They're expanding the temple where my daughter goes to Hebrew School and we can't afford the dues or the requested building costs, there are some stylin' new clothing items that so suit me right now, and I love my job where I don't make enough money but did receive a bonus for the first time in my life.

The temple thing is crappy because my brother's memorial service was there and every time I go in I feel, well, grief-stricken, and also they are way into doing mitzvahs and I'm like you're a buncha excessively rich people who deign to donate cans, and now they're publishing the names of people who donate cash to the place in their newsletter. And I'm like donate! I am one of the people who gets a major break on dues, for crissake, or god's sake, or somebody's sake. Why do I belong to a religious institution anyway? Rugelah wants to take the classes and have a Bat Mitzvah, and that, actually, is very worthwhile. If only it could be done in another context, but I guess this as progressive as we can be, without having a Buddha Mitzvah in a grassy field.

My fashion frustration is that this whole long-shirt smock-type idea is excellent for me and I bought one in New York (with the money I didn't give the temple, poor Jew that I am) and it looks great. Compliments my still-perky yet small breasts, and covers the tummy bulge aptly. So I went to this excellent fashion site, Bluefly, and all of Sweet Pea's stuff, who I recognized from Project Runway, which we watched at my rich cousin's house because we don't have cable, is so very even-a-middle-aged lady could wear this. Plus Envi/En V had this cool red-and-gray mod circles and snap at the top dress. okay, I admit it's a bit short for me, but I love it anyway. It is just so lovely to have clothing one likes and kinda shitty not to be able to go out and buy it all. How spoiled-brattish of me, but waah!

My life is quite better lately because I am not so heavily grieving for Baby Brother as I was for so long. The trial was the proverbial travesty of justice, but Baby Brother always referred to the corrupt legal system, so it was validation that his anti-establishment stance was right on.

And now I'm off for dresslust.